I am tired. Do you ever feel as though life is full of mixed messages? When we pray for something so fervently for so long, it can actually be unnerving when we see a glimmer of the answer we’ve been hoping to see. Hope is one of the deepest foundations of our faith as Christians, so it’s hard to understand why hope can feel frightening. I suppose when you’ve maintained hope for an extended period of time, you begin to set aside that hope because you stop believing you’ll ever get what you long for… So, when a hint of that longing manifests itself, the feeling of a resurrecting hope brings fear that what you’re seeing isn’t real. It’s a fear of falling back into the state of pain that has, for so long, been virtually paralyzing.

We must learn to trust that we have everything we need, and know that God will always provide what He wants us to have. Part of my prayer each morning is to ask God to bless those that I love, including those I’ve lost, and I tell Him how much I want restoration in the areas of most significant loss. However, I also thank Him for having given me those blessings to begin with, and I tell Him I trust His plan and know that if restoration is part of His plan, He will make it so.

Perhaps all of this sounds very cryptic and confusing…but perhaps you all understand what I’m trying to say quite clearly. Sometimes when our lives are at their best, when we feel the most blessed, we find ourselves feeling the most vulnerable. At this point in my life, I feel the most complete and most content I’ve ever felt. Truth be told, there is only one thing missing in my life, and the only way it’ll ever come back to me is if God makes it so, just as He did before. Today I was blessed with a glimmer of hope that He might do exactly that. But I’m terrified to hope, because I’m afraid of the pain of fallen hopes…again.

Still, this is exactly the right time to focus on all that I DO have, and not on what I don’t. This is exactly the right time to be exceptionally cognizant of the fact that God is everything I need in this world, and He will make sure my earthly needs are met and then some. I have a heart full of love, as well as the desire to share it with those around me. It is my hope that I can use all of the gifts God has given me for the benefit of those who need them. There is nothing more fulfilling in this life than to feel that you are serving the purposes for which you were created. Thus the focus cannot be on self. It must be on God. That is where our true salvation and peace will be found. Contrary to our own feelings, this life is not about us. This is why we feel so unsettled when we allow our minds to fixate on whatever we believe is wrong or not the way we want in our lives. We’re unsettled because our focus is misplaced, and the Holy Spirit unsettles our heart in order to signal us that we need to redirect our minds.

Do you feel unsettled or unhappy? Why? Is it because your life isn’t what you believe it should be in some way, shape, or form? Have you stopped to consider that maybe your life is exactly the way God needs it to be right now, and it will remain that way until He needs it to be different? These sure are some things I’m considering tonight…