The Pendulum

“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough…Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up…Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing, You say I am strong when I think I am weak…You say I am held when I when I am falling short…When I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours…And I believe, oh I believe, what You say of me…I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me…In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity

Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet…You have every failure, God, You have every victory.

–You Say (song by Lauren Daigle)

Have you ever seen one of those pendulums with a bunch of silver balls hanging in a row? As you lift a ball on one end and let it drop, the ball on the opposite end is hit by the force traveling through the balls in the middle, and swings out as a result. This continues on and on, each outside ball dropping down with a smack, the force sending the one on the opposite end in motion. It can be mesmerizing to watch.

There are many times when faith feels much the same way. Something swings down and smacks us from this side and our faith takes the blow and a gospel-shaped response comes out the other end. But then something else comes and smacks us from a different direction, and a much less graceful response pops out. It’s life. Swing, smack, react, swing, smack, react. The rhythm can be both soothing and tedious. It can fool us into feeling we’re in control and able to be prepared for each new smack. I believe that’s called a false sense of security.

The only one who truly has any control is God. Our only way to continue to take the hits that will undoubtedly keep on coming is to stop trying to control and predict them. We will rarely ever be prepared for what comes our way, unless we accept that God is prepared, and that’s all that matters. No matter what else I am faced with, I have been blessed with extraordinary love in my life. An amazing, kind, godly, and loving husband I love more than I could have imagined possible…a brilliant, funny, generous, and faithful sister I will love throughout this life and most certainly in the next…parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and animals that are all spectacular in their own ways.

I am still learning about what it means to live a life of faith, especially the value of living a life shaped not by the world, but by the gospel. It is very difficult to shift focus away from the demands, fears, and challenges brought on by the world around me, but I know deep down that God is with me. As fierce as the attacks of Satan can be, God’s love and protection is infinitely more fierce. Never let the enemy convince you otherwise, as that will always be his primary objective.

“But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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