“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love [for others growing out of God’s love for me], then I have become only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal [just an annoying distraction]. And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-2 AMP

Loving others is something that has always been second nature for me… I would say it’s my most dominant personality trait. I suppose that it’s not exactly second nature, but first nature, if that makes sense. There have been times when my loving nature has been hard for others to understand, accept, or trust. As much as I love others, it’s surprisingly difficult for me to accept and trust their love in return. Rarely do I feel worthy, and even more rarely do I believe it will survive being tested.

Perhaps this is why I’m able to give love so freely, and will do my very best to never breach any trust I am given (though I’ve failed in this endeavor, albeit unintentionally, and that failure cost me dearly), but lack sufficient trust on my part when faced with letting those I love behind my many substantial walls. When we are emotionally scarred as children, we tend to carry those scars as protection well into adulthood.

I was blessed with a wonderful earthly father, and he has always been a great source of love and stability in my life. Due to circumstances well beyond his control, namely my mother’s poor choices and a life she lived that was ruled by those choices, we weren’t blessed with nearly enough time together when I was young. However, he always did everything he could to stay close to me and make sure I knew how much he loved me. In fact, I believe it was largely because of his efforts, and those of his parents and siblings, that nurtured my own loving nature. Still, in the times I wasn’t able to be with him, I faced a number of challenges that made me the walking paradox I am today.

I know we all experience crises of faith, and I can’t help but wonder how often the faith in jeopardy is not faith in God or in Jesus Christ, but faith in self. I can honestly say I don’t recall a single instance where I questioned God or felt anger towards Him because of my circumstances. I’ve always known He is with me and ready to help me with whatever I need. In many ways, my entire life is a testament to His presence and loving power. But how many of us question whether or not we are worth His time and effort? How many of us get so tired of clawing our way forward, we forget how to let go and allow Him in to help and give us rest?

They say that trauma rewires our brain, and those who have experienced trauma in their lives no longer process things in a way that other do. What seems like a “normal reaction” to a situation isn’t likely the reaction you’ll get from someone who’s brain has gone through some significant rewiring. All the more reason we should never judge how other people respond to pain and stress. All the more reason we are called to love them and forgive them, even when it’s scary to do so.

When we find those few people in this life we are led to trust, with whom we share what I think of as a “God connection” and the sense of love for them runs deeper than we can explain, these are the people God will use most in our lives. These are the people He has anointed to walk through the ups and downs with us, and us with them. Our treasured spouses, our beloved family members, and those few friends we love so much that they become more than family. These are the people who are sent to help us work through our crises of faith, no matter how painful. We just have to be brave enough to walk through the tests of time and not walk away from them.