““Do not let your heart be troubled (afraid, cowardly). Believe [confidently] in God and trust in Him, [have faith, hold on to it, rely on it, keep going and] believe also in Me.” JOHN‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭AMP

Pain may be one of the strongest links throughout humanity. My husband and I were talking recently about the fact that neither of us know a single soul who is not experiencing some kind of pain (mental, emotional, spiritual). The reality is that some of the pain we experience is a choice. Self-inflicted. Think about it… we anticipate something bad will happen within our circumstances (say an unpleasant change of status in a relationship), then we keep allowing our minds to focus on what we fear. Before we know what happened, we are feeling phantom pain over something that doesn’t, and may never, exist!

Think about the healing process from a variety of physical injuries. When I get a paper cut, it stings and will continue to be a little tender for a few days, but it’s very tolerable pain. When I had to have a small procedure done on my foot while I was in Iraq, they used a local block, which helped make the procedure bearable, but when that block wore off, the pain was fairly intense for a couple of days. That was followed by weeks of healing time. Hiking across the base on crutches was no great joy! But, eventually I was all healed up and it was life as usual. Now consider someone who has had a major chest and head wound, both of which required surgical treatment. I feel sure you can imagine the healing time from that…

The emotional and spiritual wounds we suffer have the same kind of diversity. What I have been learning is that it’s possible to have suffered a deeper wound than initially recognized, and thus underestimate the healing that needs to happen. I was talking with a chaplain from work today about what has to happen in order to do God’s work to the best of our ability… we need to be right with God ourselves first. He said, “You can’t give to someone else what you don’t already have yourself.” I’ve spent a lot of the last two years living my life by faith. However, being human, there are times when I drift away. Times when the lies of the enemy are much easier to accept than the blessings of the Lord.

What happens is that a need for self preservation kicks in as a reaction to the fear of a repeat of the pain that was once endured. For the person who has been repeatedly hurt and mistreated in relationships, they may become extremely self-sufficient and find it easier to choose self-reliance over trust and connection. When something difficult happens within the confines of an important relationship, and there is a lot of deep resulting pain, the healing process from that pain will extend beyond the much desired resolution. We have to be willing to do the work that will need to be done to truly allow healing. We can’t be afraid to open up to each other and be honest about how we feel. As my sister tells me, the healing happens when we bring the pain out of the dark and shine light on it.

If you’re anything like me, that is a terrifying position to be in. I can be lively and boisterous, loud and silly, and tend to always have a hug waiting in the wings. Despite all of that, it’s often very uncomfortable for me to be seen. I don’t like being on the spot and it’s hard for me to express how I’m feeling about a lot of things. I know that I’m a little adrift from my Heavenly Father because I struggle to get words on even the shortest prayer. The thing is, I can think of anyone I know somewhat well, and I am aware of some sort of pain they are facing: passing of a loved one, geographical distance from a loved one, a break-up, a chronic illness, a missed promotion, and so on and so on.

What makes us different is how we endure the pain in front of us. Do we bemoan our circumstances, focused only on the pain they cause us? Do we hide from admitting the truth about what we’re most afraid of at that point in time? Do we move forward on the path we’re walking with a bitter heart and attitude? Or do we speak only what is good and positive when our circumstances aren’t what we want, find the courage to speak about what we fear, and move forward with an open heart on the lookout for whatever work God needs us to do?

Knowing the answers and living them are two very different things…