“Let everything you do reflect your love of the truth and the fact that you were in dead earnest about it”

Titus 2:7 LB

There is a great deal of beauty in the photo above… it shows me that there is beauty to be found when I stop and give something my full focus and attention. The thing to remember is that by keeping my focus only on what is immediately in front me, I miss many opportunities to enjoy the beauty God has placed beyond my own limited perspective.

One thing that is currently shoved into the forefront of everyone’s perspective, is life in the face of a pandemic. We’re all being impacted in a multitude of ways, and at some point everyone is going to know someone who has personally endured this virus. At present, I know 3 people personally who are currently fighting that very bug, two at home and one in the hospital. My husband was working with someone this morning who has recently been hospitalized and now recovered from the virus. It’s real and it’s everywhere. But it’s still going to be ok. I don’t know how, but I don’t need to know.

It’s no secret that I battle with panic as a regular part of life, so to say that this kind of situation is hard to tolerate in the face of a panic disorder would be an understatement. Satan has been using my heart, mind, and spirit as whipping posts for a few weeks now, and in the last few days, it has gotten more and more overwhelming.

By the grace of God, and that is no exaggeration, I have a truly amazing husband who helps me bear the struggle with nothing but patience and love. While I can clearly see the blessing in that gift, and I always remain grateful beyond measure, I’m well aware that the battle is deeper than just the panic. I’ve lost a great deal of ground in my walk of faith lately. Things I used to trust and believe in seem to be dissipating all around me, and as a result, I feel suffocated by the sense of loss. My human instinct is to tuck tail and run from the pain, but the Holy Spirit is fighting valiantly to try and squelch that instinct.

What the grace of God tells me is that it doesn’t matter how I feel. Just because the breath of life is slipping through the cracks in some areas of life doesn’t mean we stop breathing our own life and love back into them. If I choose to turn my back and give up, then whatever is behind me will most certainly die out. But if I choose to stay the course in the way of my Savior, I can be an instrument through which the beautiful work of God is done.