“Hoping for something and losing it, hurts more than never hoping for anything.” I heard this said somewhere recently, and the truth of it really struck a chord deep in my heart. Loss of any kind is hard to tolerate in this life. We, as humans, place a great deal of value on the things of the world…jobs, belongings, worldly status, perceived security, and even other people. We work so hard to try and protect ourselves from the pain of loss, no matter what it is we fear losing, we’re doing so to the exclusion of God.

I wrote last time about the fear of fear. In her 365 day devotional book, “Jesus Calling,” Sarah Young put beautiful words on the birth of that fear. On page 210, for July 19, she writes, “Do not hide from your fear or pretend it isn’t there. Anxiety that you hide in the recesses of your heart will give birth to fear of fear: a monstrous mutation.” It truly is a monstrous mutation. Fear is the place of darkness Satan uses to the greatest effect in order to hide the light of Christ.

Consider our fears as a pile of stones just waiting to be tossed out into the water. They come in all shapes and sizes, representing the weight of the fear on our heart. Whether it’s a giant boulder of fear related to death, or a tiny pebble of fear over a long-hidden secret you’re still too afraid to share, each one will make ripples in the water. Those stones are meant to be taken off the dark shore and thrown into the sun-filled sky. Once they hit the water, the resulting ripples will occur, but the stone will drop away and cause ripples no more.

Worrying about the size of our ripple is futile, as we will only make the ripples we have been designed to make. A boulder is incapable of making small ripples, and the ripples of a pebble can only get so big. But in the symphony of a stream, the ripples all work together to make incredible patterns. We can’t be afraid to clear our shoreline of stones, especially because of the ripples we’re afraid they’re going to make. We have to be willing to toss them into the light, and trust the ripples to the only One who can see when and where the stones should fall. Even a leaf makes ripples!

“This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him, yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.” 1 John 1:5-7

I see spiritual maturity in being able to find joy and peace in all circumstances, regardless of my feelings about them. I strive hard every day to choose to have peace and acceptance of all things beyond my actual control, which is basically everything. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel fear or sadness or grief. On occasion, I find even anger and bitterness creep in. It means that, as those feelings are acknowledged for what they are, I use the will that God gave me and shift my attention to Him.

I pray, read scripture, read a devotional…whatever I can do to turn my mind to the light. I try to look at my circumstances and the things that are upsetting me from the eternal perspective of God’s word. I try to go back to the most basic instruction from the Lord, and then choose to follow it.

One that most helps me is Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Right there I’m told the most basic rule: don’t lean on MY OWN understanding. I don’t, nor will I EVER have the full picture on things. So, how can I trust my own interpretation without verifying it with God, first?? I have trusted God more than myself at almost every turn (note the use of “almost”) over the last few years, and each time I have, things have turned out far better than I dreamed possible.

When I truly trust Him, I stop feeling afraid. As I have been learning how to fully give my heart to God, I have been learning to let go of fear…especially the monstrous mutation that is fear of fear itself. The great lightbulb for me was learning to trust that I am always ok, even when I’m not ok. I’m still learning how to maintain this mindset, and at times fail to do so quite spectacularly.

Thankfully, God gives grace, and I want to focus on trusting His plan for me far more than I trust my own human perspective on the matter. Whether He uses me as a leaf or a boulder, I want to make the most beautiful ripples possible!