“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This is a scripture that has truly come to life for me over the last 4-5 years. I’ve learned the value of letting go of the hard and fast grip I have on my own self interests. I’ve learned that my best life will be one lived for the love of Christ and NOT the love of self.

It is a very difficult mental hurdle to gain your greatest blessings in the wake of someone else’s greatest hardship. My husband lost his wife of 32 years to cancer. It has been the greatest heartbreak of his life.

The same holds true for his children, who had to say goodbye to their mom far sooner than they should have. All the future experiences they imagined in the light of her presence lost some luster without the filter of that light.

I am very aware of how blessed I am to be sitting, walking, living, and loving within the confines of this wonderful family. I’m also aware of the cost others had to pay before I got here.

I love the person they lost, though I wasn’t able to know her firsthand. However, I can see the reflection and brightness of her light as it shines from the faces of those who are part of her. I see her quality in the genuine kindness of the children she raised.

I’m now in a position to be a sort of grandmother by proxy, loving my grandkids the way I know she would want them loved. I’m able to love and support her kids in the same fashion. Not to be their step-mom (as they are grown and that’s not their need), but to be their friend, their confidante, their cheerleader, and someone who loves their dad more than words could ever say.

I live my blessed life with the peace of knowing God always finds a way to fill a gap, whether in our finances, our families, our jobs. We just have to be willing to live His path and not focus so much on what we think our path should look like.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I’ve got such wonderful examples of what family looks like, which has been a great blessing as I’ve been learning to navigate the landscape of a new family. The one thing I’ve tried to steer clear of is trying to force anything to sort out one way or another. From the beginning I have done my best to leave that part up to God.

Recently, I was able to visit with family out west, and once again I saw firsthand the strength and love of the family that produced me. My dad and his generosity and kind heart and brilliant mind. My uncles, their humor and willingness to help others in any way they can. My aunt and her constant caretaking through love (and food). My cousins, much more like siblings, full of all the wonderful qualities of our parents and grandparents, and a great reminder that Taylor hugs really are the best!

That visit gave me a deeper understanding of what my husband and his children endured when their loved one was struggling with illness. It both strengthened my resolve to love and care for them to the best of my ability, and also broke my heart to witness the stress and pain.

I love my family…all them, and that will be the legacy I hope to leave behind when it’s my turn to move in from this place.