I took these photos quite early this morning. It was about 30°F outside and our sprinklers deployed, leaving the grass looking as if covered in Swarovski crystals. When I glanced across the lawn, I noted that the ice was already melted in the areas touched by sunlight. Naturally I grabbed my camera and snapped a couple of photos.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

I’ve had a prayer in my heart all day to be useful. I’ve prayed for words and actions that are able to help or benefit others in some way. I’ve also had songs in my mind that were highly indicative of my prayer life. During the first part of the day I was singing, “I Love To Laugh” from Mary Poppins. From there I moved on to “The Bare Necessities” from the Jungle Book (apparently I was feeling Disney-level joy in my soul).

My point in sharing this ridiculous bit of information is to share the impact of a simple prayer choice. A prayer for Him to make me useful to others. This request colored all my choices going forward. The attitude with which I faced tasks or spoke with people was one of openness and awareness. I was enjoying being an active listener, seeking any opportunity to show a calm and kind heart.

What a gift to have those opportunities present themselves randomly throughout my day. The last year of our lives has been fairly chaotic and full of major life events. It has been a true test of my faith and of the impact my belief in Jesus has had on my approach to hard times.

2024 started with a breast cancer diagnosis. It progressed to a double mastectomy. Then it reached reconstruction. After that, we were blessed with a wedding in the family, and that allowed us to have a bit of a family reunion. We took our grandsons on our first weekend adventure away from home without moms and dads. We celebrated birthdays and anniversaries. It was a beautiful mix of challenged and blessed.

As the year drew to a close, we were preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving, looking forward to having some quality family time with kids and grandkids. But, before we could get to that dinner, my husband suffered an aortic dissection. This happened in the middle of the night and required a frantic drive to the emergency room at 2:22am.

We were again blessed because his aorta didn’t rupture and he was able to return home after two weeks in the cardiac intensive care unit. This experience has been the most bittersweet, though. I could not possibly be more grateful to have my husband healthy and stable and right beside me at home.

Still, I have never experienced such fear in all my life, and I’ve seen some crazy stuff! That was 2.5 to 3 months ago, and I’m still trying to bring down my anxiety levels. I’ve been stuck in a fight or flight sort of place, always waiting for another shoe to drop. Luckily, I have access to counseling and am working on getting those anxieties under control.

Circling back to my original point and reason for sharing all this…the photo above of the grass in both shadow and light. Over the last year, I learned that whenever I chose to focus my mind and my intentions on His will, keeping them in His light, I felt more at peace and more able to manage the medical craziness around me. But, when I let my mind drift into the shadows, those little icicles of fear latched on, leaving me feeling heavy and cold.

Choose to turn your face to the light. Let God’s love and grace warm your soul. He will give you what you need to keep going. He always does!