“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:17-18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

As this new year has begun, I’ve been working hard to take stock of my spiritual health. The last 14 months of my life have been plagued with unexpected emotional hits and physical ailments, all primarily minor, but all taking a collective toll on my life.

Our pastor spent time discussing the many challenges we’ve all faced over the last year. The hurt, stress, and loss being experienced all over the world. Add to that the fear and the dramatic decrease in human contact, it’s no wonder there has been such a dramatic increase in anxiety and depression.

Our pastor addressed the dangers of drifting away during this time…not to mention the ease of doing so. Drifting away from attending church (even when allowed), drifting away from staying connected with loved ones, drifting away from God.

Given the existing health crisis, making a choice to attend church online is rational and reasonable. But do we all actually choose to attend online? Or are we choosing to not attend at all? Are we choosing to go out to dinner or small social gatherings or shopping, and still choosing to stay home from church in the name of safety? If so, perhaps it’s time for a reality check on our relationship with the Lord.

It’s so easy to get lost and overwhelmed with our own worldly garbage (make no mistake that everything we suffer here is indeed worldly), we end up allowing some of our most valuable relationships to disintegrate.

We become so involved in our own path of suffering, we forget that part of our job as Christians and followers of God is to love and support one another. We can’t do that if we refuse to step away from our own pool of self-pity.

We forget that, as we set ourselves aside to be available to do God’s work in the lives of others, that same love and support will come back to us in ways larger than we can imagine.

“One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭11:24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

What I am learning now is the importance of not only adding new growth to my spiritual life, but to adapt myself in accordance with that growth. I’m learning how to find peace in the face of fear, physical discomfort, and deep heartbreak.

Most important of all, I’m learning to value the love and support and companionship of God far above any available to me here in the world. The world is under the dominion of the enemy, and it’s only through my closeness to God that I find the strength to live above my worldly circumstances.

God has blessed me with a husband more precious than I ever would have believed possible, along with an extraordinary family. I have been blessed and blessed beyond measure over the last few years, in spite of any physical ailments that have come my way.

I have been finding myself disconnecting with the outside world out of a need for self-preservation. When we realize how tenuous worldly trusts can be, not to mention how easily broken, our willingness to expose ourselves to further pain rapidly diminishes. It requires great effort to start opening those doors again.

We can still lose our most treasured blessings to the world, which will never stop being painful. However, I believe in the goodness of God and I believe He will see me through any loss or trial that comes my way. He’ll be there in the future, just as He’s been there in the past, and as He is here with me now, helping me allow these words to come.

I once had a different motivation for writing this blog, but that is changing. Just as new wine needs a new wineskin, I am finding my way into a new shell. My focus, however, remains the same: seeking to keep the hand of God visible to anyone I have the opportunity to reach.