“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8 NIV
The truth of this scripture is mind boggling. How often do you get to the end of a day and feel as though life has chewed you up and spit you out?
Every human weakness will be exploited and used against us at every turn. It’s so easy to wrap our emotions in our worldly identities, finding our “happiness” on the success or failure in certain areas of life.
However, there is only one place we can turn for true happiness, and that’s the Lord. When we allow our worldly circumstances dictate our joy, we are laying ourselves wide open to the enemy.
Sometimes it’s like I’m holding a beautiful balloon filled with helium and if I let go of the balloon, it will fly away, never to be seen again. So, I try to tighten my grip on the string connecting me to the balloon, but that only serves to cut off the circulation to my spirit.
When I get lost in how much effort I put into something that really matters to me, I can get very hurt and disheartened when it seems I’m the only one who feels the effort is worth it.
Soon, we will be moving to the other side of town. This place that we established together is very special to me. There are many reasons for that, but suffice to say that there is always sacrifice to balance the blessings.
It’s not just been a home for me, but so much more than that. With this move, it’s not just a house I see falling away, but a community. The people I love who I barely see from 5-10 minutes away, I fear I’ll never see again. More than that, I struggle to feel that I’m even worth seeing at all.
There’s the real tool of Satan… challenging our sense of worth through our worldly circumstances. It’s hard to feel you’re good enough for God when you don’t often feel good enough for some of the people who know you best.
There’s no validity to that feeling, but Satan works awfully hard to sneak it under your skin through the words, actions, or even lack of actions, of those you love.
Lately, I’ve struggled to feel adequate for my job, for myself, for other people, and even for God. I know it isn’t true, yet I’m about to disappear over another horizon, and my biggest fear is that there are some who will be glad to see me go.
It’s hard to bare my own ugly truth to the world, but how can I ever move beyond it if I continue to keep it hidden in the dark? God heals through love and light. This little move is bringing up a lot of old baggage I didn’t even realize I was still carrying.
How blessed I am to have a husband beside me who knows how to love me through times like these. He helps me remember that my identity is based in God, not in anyone or anything else. The last few weeks he’s held me through many tears, he’s prayed with me, and he’s helped me stay grounded in moments when I’ve been ready to spin off my axis.
I am not defined by my job. I am not defined by my relationships. I am not defined by my successes or failures in this world. I am defined by the Lord. More than anything else, I want to live a life of love, patience, and grace… and I don’t want to live in fear of losing my favorite balloon to the sky.
Love the Hand of God 