This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.

Before

My childhood was what you might call unstable, and more than a little chaotic. We moved constantly around the Salt Lake Valley; from first grade to twelfth, I went to eleven different schools. Stability wasn’t the rule. It was the ephemeral exception. I lived mostly with my mom, who loved me but was losing a never-ending battle with addiction, and the people who came in and out of our home brought more chaos, not less. My dad was in North Carolina, and for long stretches I barely got to see him.

The main steady influence in my life was my grandmother, who we called Chris-mom. No matter where I was, she found a way to keep showing up. I know now that she was one of the many ways God was taking care of me, even then.

“Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands.”

But even with her, I carried a deep sense that I was on my own, and I didn’t know where I belonged.

The Night I Met Him

I was introduced to Christ as a young girl through my Uncle Jerry, my best friend Nicole, and their families, and they laid a foundation in me. But I truly met Him, and gave Him my heart, a few months before my sixteenth birthday, during one of the loneliest stretches of my life. It came through a dream I have never once, in the forty years since, been able to write off as ordinary.

In it, I was lying in a white twin bed — white sheets, white pillowcase, even my nightgown was white. There were no walls, just dark space stretching in every direction. I remember feeling sad and heavy-hearted, the way I often did in those years. Then, out of the darkness, Jesus walked into a light that seemed to exist only around Him, and I stood up from the bed to meet Him.

He drew me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around His waist and laid my head against His chest, and He wrapped His arms around me, one hand resting on the back of my head. I can still feel it, all these decades later — the weight and the warmth of that hand. He told me everything would be okay. He told me He was with me all the time. For a girl who felt so completely on her own, those words changed everything.

“The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”

I woke up knowing it was more than a dream. It was an invitation. What I came to understand is that I didn’t have to fix myself first. Jesus died for my sin and rose again, and He offers forgiveness and a new life as a gift, not something I could ever earn.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.”

I said yes to Him, and about a month later I was baptized.

After

I’d love to tell you everything was easy after that, but it wasn’t. From my twenties into my thirties, I was like a drowning person, grabbing onto every good and beautiful person I could find and hoping they’d keep me afloat. It took me years to learn that people were never meant to carry that weight. When I finally stopped flailing and turned to God instead, I discovered I had never really been drowning. I’d been in His hands the whole time. The enemy had just convinced me otherwise.

“When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee.”

That trust has been tested. In about fourteen months I lost my grandfather, my grandmother, and my mom. Like Ruth, I followed my grief to a place I’d never called home, and God met me there. He brought me to Savannah, where He gave me my husband, Greg, and a home I’ve now lived in longer than anywhere in my life.

“The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.”

In 2024 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then Greg survived a massive aortic dissection and spent two weeks in intensive care. Through all of it, I have never once blamed God. I question people, and I question myself plenty, but I don’t question Him.

The girl who never had a place to stand has one now. It isn’t a house or a town. It’s Jesus. And here’s what I’ve learned: the measure of your peace will be equal to the measure of your faith. He is always there, but when we use our free will to override His guidance, we shut out the very help He’s offering.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

Remember this…no matter when you first gave your life to Christ, it’s a choice you must continue to make day in and day out. He’ll never leave your side, but there will be times when you find yourself moving away from His. When this happens, please choose to move back and turn into Him once again.